we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
