I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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