if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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