Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize