im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
