I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
