drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
