I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
