My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
