i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
