Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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