we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
