apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
