i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
