They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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