you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
