I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
