My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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