is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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