i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
