i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
