Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
