My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
and you fell through a lawn chair
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
