What a fucking waste of an outfit
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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