what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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