im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
