so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
