dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
