We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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