Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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