Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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