I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
