Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
