the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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