Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize