I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
