somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
