I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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