im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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