Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
