I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
