we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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