Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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