You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
