I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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