I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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