Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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