I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
