Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
