Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
