nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
