At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
