hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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