She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
