My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need water and some morals
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
