Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
