I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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