pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
