WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
