Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
