Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
