I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
