I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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