How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
