I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
