I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
