thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
