Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
